los angeles, 8:30pm
I am ecstatic in my current relationship. We’ve been dating and have seen each other most days since we met at a party in early August. We are both very loved up, he seems to think he’s in deeper than me. The whole time my anxiety has been this little nagging feeling that disturbs my happiness I should be able to feel fully. With anxiety I either fear anxious thoughts which may come and cause me to break up with him if I make myself believe I don’t really love him; or I have doubts about his feelings for me so I fear being hurt and quickly become paranoid. It’s been a mixture of both, but lately I’m more doubting him. I think it’s because he needs to work on his filter. His naivety can make him oblivious to the implications of things he says light-heartedly about the future.
Just realised I’m quite content with parts of who I am right now. Small changes have been happening to me, which are helping me grow. I still am in a depressed state lately, but I do still have motivation and plenty of moments of happiness. I was just looking around my bedroom and I couldn’t help but smile to myself. I’ll pat myself on the back and say I have exquisite taste! Haha. I like the part of me that is cleaner and more organised, the part that is into trying new things, and the part that is focusing more on problems outside of myself that I am passionate about (ie. Animal cruelty, animal shelters, sexism, etc). I feel less self-centred, and I’m happy to be moving on from focusing too much on myself. Anyway, just a random post :) hope you’re all good mentally at the moment! :)